Where Did You Go?
by Mskayyy
Summary: Damon is dead, but everyone has moved on. Everyone, that is, except Bonnie. Mature, non - sexual themes. Stefan & Elena POV.


**Warning: Contains strong references to drug abuse, suicide etc. Mature content. If you are not okay with things like that, I strongly recommend you to stop reading NOW.**

Elena watched as the "Welcome To Fell's Church" sign passed by in a blur. She sighed. Looking straight out of the window, she muttered, "I can't believe we're back. It was over all too fast."

Stefan chuckled. "We can go again in a few weeks, if you want. Somewhere different this time. How about Asia?"

"No, I love Europe too much. Florence was fun. Let's do the whole of Italy this time."

"Planning our next honeymoon already, Mrs. Salvatore?"

"Uh! _Please_ don't say_ Mrs._Salvatore, Stefan! It makes me sound like you mother or something!" Elena shuddered, horrified.

Stefan raised his eyebrows, and gave a smile that seemed a bit fake, but didn't say anything. Elena, who was fiddling with the stereo, searching for good songs, didn't notice the absence of a reply.

"Anyways, yes. I am planning our next honeymoon. I wouldn't mind leaving next month. How about we make it Italy and France this time?"

"You're serious." It was a statement, not a question.

"Of course! I mean, you don't mind, do you?" Her voice dropped a few octaves, finally coming out of her cloud of honeymoon ecstasy, to notice that Stefan did not share her sentiments.

"Don't you want to stay for a while? We've been gone for three months!"

"Yes, but home's so boring!"

"Home is where our loved ones are, little lovely love."

Elena did not know how to reply to that. He was right, but… Loved ones would always be here, wouldn't they? What was Stefan worried about? That there won't be anyone to protect Fell's Church without them there? That's not true… Mrs. Flowers was here, and so were Meredith and Alaric and Matt… Even Bonnie.

Stefan heard her thoughts, and replied to them. "Love, Meredith and Alaric are gone, remember? University? And Matt's at football camp, in New York. Only Bonnie's here."

Elena looked up, as the thought suddenly struck her. "Stefan, has Bonnie talked to you lately?"

"Uh, no. Why? Isn't she calling you?"

"We haven't spoken in a while. Not since the wedding, anyway." Elena frowned. What was wrong with her bubbly friend who called her everyday, once upon a time? True, she'd promised to call Bonnie, but she could've called too, right? Was she mad at her for not calling? No… Bonnie was not the type who kept grudges. Then why?

Stefan seemed to be thinking along the same lines. "We should visit her, and find out what's wrong."

"Sure. Let's go tomorrow morning."

Stefan pulled into the driveway of the Boarding house, and turned the key, killing the lights on the dashboard.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Next day late morning found Stefan and Elena knocking on the front door of the McCullough residence.

A woman in her early twenties with a worried and depressed look opened the door. "Elena! When did you get back?"

Stefan recognized her as Bonnie's sister, Mary, whom he'd met briefly at the wedding. She seemed thinner, though. And tired. And wasn't she supposed to be in California, working in some big hospital facility? Maybe she was home on vacation.

"Just yesterday. Is Bonnie here, Mary?"

Mary pursed her lips. "Uh, yes. She's upstairs. But…"

"What? What happened, Mary? Is she alright? Is she hurt?" Elena's worry was evident in her voice.

"She isn't hurt… But… Well, you can see for yourself." She sighed and stepped aside, letting them in. They followed her upstairs to the room at the far end of the corridor, Bonnie's room.

Mary stopped at the door. "Uh, it's best if I don't come inside. I- uh- need to go outside for a bit. Will you be alright?" Her voice cracked. Whatever was wrong with Bonnie was upsetting her greatly.

"We'll be okay."

She left them and walked down the stairs. Stefan had a feeling she'd given in to her tears, and didn't want them to see her weak like that.

Taking a deep breath, Elena pushed the door open.

The sight that greeted them seemed vaguely familiar, and yet alien. The messy room, clothes thrown around, books scattered on the bed and floor, bed sheet crumpled on the floor, leftover food waste that looked like it was weeks old… It all looked so similar to Caroline's room, during the time when Shinichi was still around. But the only element that didn't fit was Bonnie, lying crumpled against a wall, seemingly sleeping. On a closer look, they noticed the scars running across her wrists. They seemed to be barely a few weeks old.

"Bonnie…?" Elena called out uncertainly. Bonnie stirred. Slowly, she raised her head, and looked at Elena. Her eyes seemed to be unfocused and bloodshot. Stefan focused on her heartbeat; it seemed to be unnaturally fast. He also sensed a strange, euphoric feeling in her emotions. Stefan's eyes narrowed.

Elena was crouching down next to Bonnie.

"Bonnie? Are you okay? Please say something, Bonnie… What's wrong with you? Are you crying?"

Stefan did not say anything, but watched Elena fret over Bonnie, trying to get her up and onto the bed. He kept his eyes on Bonnie, watching out for more symptoms that proved his suspicions correct.

Bonnie stood up with Elena's support, and slowly made her way towards the bed. She was in dire need of a bath, and her hair was sticking to her neck, slick with sweat. Before they reached the bed, however, Bonnie stopped suddenly, and turning to Elena unsteadily, spoke.

"Why, Elena?" Her words were slurred. "Why did he leave me? Why did he break his promise, huh, Elena?"

With a sudden pang, Stefan understood. Bonnie was talking about Damon. Damon's death affected her to this extent?

"Bonnie," Elena began. "You need to stop thinking-"

"I _won't _stop thinking about Damon! I WON'T! Don't you dare tell me to do that, Elena!" Bonnie screamed. Stefan felt her mood alter drastically. Okay, it was confirmed. "We promised! YOU promised! We said we'd never forget!"

"But this isn't healthy, Bonnie. You need to move on, and get on with-"

"I won't move on! He deserves to be remembered! If I hold on to him, he'll come back to me, you'll see!"

"Bonnie!" Elena, suddenly frustrated, yelled back. "Do you think you are the only one who misses him each day? Do you think we've forgotten? Huh? He meant more to me than-"

"How DARE you! You have no idea! Wrapped up in your little self- admiration! He meant more to you than anyone else! Wasn't that what you were gonna say? Did you think about Stefan? His brother, his only family is dead! Did you think about me? Did you know what he meant to me? Did you know what we had?" Her voice lowered to a whisper.

Elena talked back. "What do you mean, 'what we had'? You had a _crush _on him, Bonnie!"

Bonnie laughed mirthfully at that. "You don't know. No one knew! We hid it so _well_…" Tears welled p inside her eyes, as she looked up at Elena. "We were in love, Elena. Love. He wanted to tell everyone as soon as we were sure, to make me officially his, but I told him not to. _I _told him you guys wouldn't take it well… It was because of me that we kept it a secret. And now, it's because of me that he's dead. DEAD!" Bonnie screamed, and Elena and Stefan flew back, as if from the impact of an explosion. Elena stood up and tried to make her way towards Bonnie again, but it seemed she was locked. Bonnie had put up a shield between her, and Elena and Stefan. Behind the shield, she stood up shakily, and laughed.

"It was as if he'd come for me… My own personal beautiful angel… He was the devil to everyone else, and even to me, but I couldn't see him as anything else… Angel… The only person who'd understood me… I need him now, Elena… I NEED HIM!" She screamed again, ad this time, one of the vases on her table shattered. Elena wanted so badly to be by her side, but Bonnie didn't let her shield down.

"I need him… It's aching inside without him, Elena… What do I do…? I can't let him go… I tried… It hurt… So bad… Then I tried to go to him… But where is he? How do you get there? He stole my heart, and didn't give it back, Elena. And it feels like it's eating me from the… the inside… Yeah… Inside, Meredith."

She seemed to be raving senselessly. Elena looked at Stefan tearfully, and Stefan mouthed to her, "Drugs."

She looked back wide-eyed, and asked, "What do we do?"

"Nothing. We can't do a thing till she takes the shield down. I'm sorry Elena…"

She shook her head, but didn't say anything.

Bonnie, oblivious to the conversation, continued on. "He changed me, Meredith. He changed who I am… He helped me w'my powers, and he helped me grow up. He taught me to be an adult… And look at me now…" She laughed feebly. "Y'know… I couldn't sleep… All I'd dream about is him… Doctor told me I should take sleeping pills… They're nice… Medicine makes me see him… It makes me a bit less miserable… I got some… whatcha call it? Cocaine?... at this club on the other end' a town… I sneaked out and got s'more… 'S really great… Makes you fell all nice… Makes _me _remember him without hurtin'…" She stumbled around while saying this, and finally landed on top of the mess on her bed.

"Y'know what, Mere? I stole money…" She giggled. "D'you know how much cocaine costs anyway? Yeah, I stole from Mary's wallet. I'm badass, right? Just like him… Maybe not. He ne'er stole… Hey… Why'm I speakin' in the past tense? He's comin' for me… I know… He's comin' back… For me…" She trailed off, while her hands groped her jeans pockets. She pulled out a packet of white crystalline powder, and a straw.

"Bonnie, no!" Elena shouted.

Bonnie didn't, or couldn't, hear her. She stumbled over to her desk, and sat on her chair, in front of the only clear spot on her desktop, without clutter. There, she spread some of the powder in a neat line and snorted it in with her straw. Elena could do nothing but watch, sobbing. Stefan was struggling against the invisible shield, but it didn't budge.

Bonnie went under another euphoria spell. She laughed. She jumped up from her seat, only to climb back onto it, and started clumsily dancing. She was singing some song along with her feeble dance.

Stefan gave up struggling, and went over to comfort Elena. When Elena's tears subsided in Stefan's arms finally, Bonnie was sobbing.

"Where did he go? Where did he go, leaving me alone here? Where…?"

**A/N: A depressing one shot. I know. Just needed to get these depressing thoughts out of my head. Inspired from my own crappy mood (NO, I don't do drugs) and an Indian song in Tamil. Link on my profile, along with translation. I recommend checking it out. Actor is CUTE.**

**Lotza Luv,**

**MsKayyy**


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